Cards
by Ohohen
Summary: [SasuSaku][OneShot] Dear...Sasuke, you're old! You need a mate. Or the Uchiha clan shall become yet another Kaguya clan! What to do? I dare remember there was a black bag of cards in your closet...maybe some masks and stink bombs too...


**So, what do you do when you're listening to a NejiTen video and you're home alone?**

**Write a SasuSaku One-shot.**

**Yeah. Doesn't make sense right? Well, I guess that's the point. **

**XD Microsoft Works Word Processor, you type in 'SasuSaku', right click, and the first suggestion for the spelling error is 'Sausage'. Hehe…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**So, enjoy. I just began, so I don't know how long it'll be. But I know it'll probably be pretty short.**

**This…can be described as a crack fic. Sasuke's pretty…odd…in other words OOC.**

**Cards**

Sasuke sat on the edge of his bed in his apartment. He was now 23 years old, and there was a problem.

A big one.

He was thinking about his future today.

Itachi was gone, so now what?

He's in the ANBU, and he's STILL the survivor of the Uchiha Clan. The ONLY one.

And when he dies, what's going to happen?

It's going to be Kaguya clan all over again. But this time, without the maniacal actions the Kaguya clan had before they were wiped out. More like, wiped out themselves. Simply put Suicide. Even that blasted Kimimaro committed his stupid suicide by trying to kill he Kazekage, or in other words, Gaara, and failed.

So, he needs to marry. He HAS to. If he doesn't, the Uchiha clan, the former best clan of the entire Land of Fire, or of Konoha at least, would be gone. Gone. Just like that.

So Sasuke needs to marry.

Or at least get someone get have kids for him for crying out loud.

And it wasn't going to be hard, either.

He was 23 years old and he was STILL the heart throb of Konoha. Yes, he lived up to his name, reluctantly, and now, he's going to put all that unwanted effortless sitting around, doing nothing, causing attraction, to use.

Now, he remembered that every time he walked down the sidewalk, there was at least three girls coming up to him, hand him their picture, and do an attempt to look cute kind of face, with their number behind it.

Well now, Sasuke was waiting for the day they stopped so he could dump all three of the big black plastic bags full of useless photos and ten digit numbers scribbled in attempts of fancy handwriting for impression down to the recycling bin and make a big contribute to the recycling process.

Unfortunately, after seventeen years, the process and everyday routine still hasn't stopped. Pity.

Sasuke leapt off his bed and strolled over to his closet where he opened the closet door. He looked up at the three big black bags, and just as he was about to pull them out, the fell on top of him, spilling out all it's contents.

Sasuke stuck his head out with a 'pfft', blowing away static photos that had rubbed against his hair as a result of the big black bag and sticking to his head. Only two came off.

Sasuke pulled himself out of the heap, and glared.

'Great…'

He started picking up the cards one by one, making a couple stacks near his bed.

-Thirty six minutes later-

Sasuke plopped back down on the bed, and sighed. He looked at the big tall stacks of photos that were wobbling disturbingly and then suddenly…

_WHOOSH!_

Sasuke stuck his head out of the big pile of photos, once again.

"…I give up…"

He stood up on his bed and brushed off all the smelly (It was smelly to him, since it all the photos were smothered in really strong perfume.) photos that were stuck to him, yet again.

He sat in the corner of his bed where the photos didn't reach him. He picked up each photo, and just neatly sorted out the piles. There was 'Maybe', 'No', 'Don't Even Think About it Sasuke.', and 'HELL NO SASUKE.'

There was also a yes pile, which belonged on his pillow. There was no photo that occupied that space.

"Hm…isn't she the one with the big pigtails?" that went into the 'HELL NO SASUKE.' pile.

"Augh…it's that slutty bitch…" 'HELL NO SASUKE.'

"What? Didn't I see this picture before?" 'HELL NO SASUKE.'

"Too much lipstick…and she was always a wannabe…" 'HELL NO SASUKE."

There wasn't a single picture in other piles besides 'HELL NO SASUKE.' So he just simplified it to 'HELL NO SASUKE' and 'Yes'.

"Oh…it's that girl who thought he had good relations with me because of that day I told her that her pants were unzipped…no."

"What! How many pictures of this girl do I have!"

"What are girls with pigtails these days? At least Tenten had _some_ sense in fashion."

"WHY THE HELL DID SHE SEND ME A PICTURE OF HER IN A BATH!"

"Go on a diet…"

"Go off a diet…"

"Have some milk…"

"Learn to cook, that's not very cute looking."

"No eyebrows?"

"I can fit my foot up your nostril."

"Go get on a treadmill. Wait, no you'll wreck it."

"Are you a twig?"

"I don't want an inside look…"

"Why is there a picture of a dog?"

"When did she get pink hair? Oh wait, it's colored." Sasuke thought for a moment. 'I'll do it later…' He set it in his 'Yes' pile. Then, Sasuke continued looking.

"More animals?"

"Another dog? Go get Kiba…"

"Too much makeup…"

"Take a shower…"

"Ew…is this chocolate?" Sasuke sniffed it. He made a horrified, utterly disgusted face. He rushed into his bathroom, took a shower, and washed his hands for seven minutes, then came back out. He scurried through his drawer, finally pulling out a pair of old ANBU gloves.

A long string of colorful words spun out of his mouth as he huffed over back to his bed.

'_Damn…'_

He continued looking through the cards.

"What's up with all the flowers…"

"Why the hell--"

And so it continued.

-On hour later-

The entire pile was moved from it's former position to the 'HELL NO SASUKE' position. But there was one more…

Sasuke leaned over his bed and picked up the photo that he had dropped. Actually, it wasn't included in the pile. It had fallen off his desk.

'Sakura…'

Would Sakura be a good choice? Well, if it wasn't Sakura, who else would it be? Ino? Hinata? Tenten? No, Ino would kill him, Hinata wouldn't be happy, and Neji would kill him for Tenten, even if they're not together, but Sasuke knew better.

So, Sakura. Sakura who was on his team for all these years. The Medic Ninja that also went on ANBU missions at times. The Sakura that had annoyed him for so long after all these years, but stopped right when he returned. In fact, when he returned, time passed, and she only treated him like any other person. It kind of made him wonder weather or not he loved him anymore, but then again, maybe not.

Wait, did _he_ love _her_?

But then she looked at the picture.

Then he stared at the picture.

Her forehead was still quite wide.

'A nice big forehead for kisses, though…'

'But she's SAKURA. She'll go all fan girl again.'

Then he thought about Sakura for a moment.

When she goes on ANBU missions with only Sasuke himself, she just nods and goes along like it was any other person. They might chat about things that have happened in the past, and occasionally he might lift a small smile, so small, that it was sure that Sakura was the only one who could see it. And Sakura would just flash her sunlight smile that just warmed up Sasuke, melting anyone's ice cold heart easily. Everyday she'd report to the hospital for emergency injuries right after an ANBU mission. And people always left happy. Sasuke didn't leave happy. Sasuke left recovered. Because Sasuke is never happy. He's _content_, but not happy. Happy isn't Uchiha Sasuke.

So, would he be _content_ with Sakura?

Well, it was already proven that he would NOT and repeat, WOULD NOT go to Ino for a situation like this, the mere thought of an overly aggressive and screechy wife was the **last** thing that Uchiha Sasuke needed at a time like this.

And a quiet one was no different. Besides, he barely even talks to Hinata, only during missions and around greetings to farewells when not on missions on their own free time. And he doesn't need a silent Hyuuga. Anything but a Hyuuga would be nice. It'd be too complicated. What would their kids be like? Byarigan? Sharugan? Sure…

Tenten. No. She was so…so…_normal._ Well, to Sasuke she was. In his eyes, didn't really stand out much, heck, he didn't know that much about her anyway. Sure, they've been on missions, and he's seen her legendary accuracy that ranks over perfection, and she's cute and he likes her and all but; Augh…Hyuuga Neji. That retarded Neji! He's seen it before, some guy just did a petty wave at Tenten, and there was a long, deafening silence was dripping in the air. Sasuke didn't feel any life present in that area anymore. Besides Hyuuga Neji himself, that is.

Sasuke then thought about the other people he's met before.

Ayame? No. No more ramen. He gets enough when he goes with Naruto to the wretched place every time they come back from missions.

Temari. That big lady? No…She was like…Ino times two in size. And he was not going _all the way _to Sand to get slapped, beat, tossed upside down, groped, squished, and then go deaf from the high pitched screams of enthusiasm ring his head like a loud doorbell at three o'clock in the morning when he's usually asleep.

His mind always absent mindedly trail back to the thought of Sakura in between each thought of a female.

She truly was, one of a kind. He had never met anyone with pink hair. Besides that blasted Tayuya who he still thought was a weak bitchy wretch. Sasuke might like her more if he didn't have to marry a tombstone. He always thought Tayuya looked a lot better without the despicable head piece she has.

Sakura had a slender figure, she was fit, and she was very intelligent. Well, he already knew this a long time ago.

So, Sakura it was.

So, the big question; Did he love her?

Not a big question anymore.

Of course he did. Why else would he lose Sakura's picture only to find that he had slipped it inside his shirt and started hugging himself like a retarded idiot? Why else was he staring at the picture? Why else would he always '_accidentally_' brush his hand against his when they take breaks on missions? Why else would he sometimes nudge her shoulder when she's asleep and result in her leaning on his shoulder? Why else would he lean on her head and take in her scent so deeply?

_Because he **loved**_ _her._

And if she didn't, he _refuses_ to give up. He _refuses _to let it end in such a abhorrent way. Even if he had to _chase _after her like those _idiots_ on the streets, he'll do it.

_Because he **loved **her._

Sasuke couldn't help but smile.

Right, he smiled.

Really, he did.

(A/N: I drew a picture! You can find me on deviantART under Ohohen. And no, he didn't smile like that.)

He reached over, picked up his phone, and called dialed the ten digit numbers that he had himself remember by heart. Sakura should be on her lunch break about now, out with tea with Hinata, Ino, and maybe Tenten.

Hinata and Ino giggled at the remark that Sakura had made.

"So, people chasing you to, Big Forehead?"

Sakura glared competitively.

"Of course, Ino-pig."

Hinata smiled happily.

"What about you, Hinata?"

Hinata flushed. She nodded a bit.

"Y-Yes…sometimes…"

"Hinata, no need to lie! I see those guys around you all the time!" Tenten ushered.

"What about you Tenten?"

Tenten laughed nervously and then shook her head.

Sakura and Ino grinned mischievously. Even Hinata giggled.

Tenten winced. "What?"

"Oh nothing…" Ino said avoiding the truth.

Sakura beamed. "I remember one time--"

Sakura's phone rang.

"Mm?" Sakura pulled out her phone. "Hold on a second."

They all nodded.

"Sasuke-kun?"

She answered the phone, putting it up to her ear.

"Hello?" (A/N: _Moshi Moshi _doesn't sound right and doesn't really fit.)

"Sakura?"

"Sasuke-kun? What's the matter?"

"Sakura, are you on lunch break?"

"Mm."

"When is your shift over?"

"I'll be working for about a hour and a half after lunch break, so I'll be home from four thirty to six. Or anywhere else. Is there something wrong?" Sakura replied, worry broken onto her precious face near the last sentence.

"No, where are you going to be after your shift?"

"I'll be at home."

"Okay. I'll see you later then."

And Sasuke hung up.

Sakura stared at her phone.

"Did he hang up Sakura?" Ino asked. Sakura nodded.

"What do you think happened?" Tenten asked. Hinata listened carefully.

"I don't know…" Sakura stared at her phone with a slight frown.

'And what did he mean he'd see me later?'

Sasuke put away his phone and let out a silent sigh. He stood up and was headed towards his other closet, until he stopped, and turned to look at the small photo of a girl with pink hair, and green eyes. He strolled over to the only photo that laid in the 'Yes' pile, and picked it up stoically. As always.

He turned over the card, and he dialed the number on the back, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Is…" Sasuke looked at the card. "Mika Torishima here?"

"I am!"

Sasuke twitched. He could literally _hear_ the hearts flying.

"Who's this?"

"It's…Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke immediately held the phone away from his ear for about ten minutes to prevent himself from going deaf. So he sat down on his bed and put the phone on his bed as he sat cross legged on his bed, holding up his head with his arm on his knee. Occasionally, he looked over at his phone to see if he could pick it up yet.

'If that phone cracks…someone's going to pay…'

Finally, he picked up his phone and spoke.

"Yeah…why don't I come over for a while? You know, so we can chat and know each other a bit?"

Mika screamed.

Thankfully, Sasuke was quick enough to yank the phone away from his ear before he endangered himself of being deaf in one ear.

So, it was settled. Mika told Sasuke where she lived, and Sasuke walked over to her house.

"So, why don't we go somewhere where no one can see us?"

Yeah. Another holding of the ears for another ten minutes.

So, they arrived in the very depth of the forest, where it was the least guarded and watched.

They talked for a while, and all seemed pretty well.

Well, it was more like Mika was talking about Sasuke, how she always liked him and admired him, blah, blah, blah, blah…

Yeah. That was kind of what Sasuke heard too. _Blah, blah, blah_…

It really pissed him off when he said, "Sakura's so retarded, I can be a better Sakura then Sakura herself!"

"You know…_Mika_…" Sasuke leaned in on her as she backed up against a tree.

Mika blushed. "Yeah…?" 'OMG! OMG! OMG!' (Times ten.) 'SASUKE-KUNS' GONNA KISS ME!'

(A/N: 'GONNA' I did that purposely.)

"I…I-I always…" Sasuke stuttered (Fake acting) leaned in on her until their lips met. Almost. He closed his eyes, and then…

They snapped open. "I always hated Sakura wannabes." He retreated, and pulled something with his right arm, and then before Mika knew what hit her, she was tied against the tree by Sasuke's wires.

A Fuuma Shuriken whirled back, and Sasuke caught it. He folded it back into it's slimmer state, and put it away.

Sasuke bent into Mika again. Mika blushed. Again.

Sasuke smirked coolly.

"I always hated it when you blushed. You look ugly."

He retreated again, and then he attached something on the branch that was right above Mika's head.

"You see that Mika_-chan_? That thing's _really_ sensitive. Move or wriggle, and that thing is going to spray you with a stench of a skunk, onions that have been expired for ten years and milk that's been expired twice as long. That's kind of what you get for stealing Sakura's perfume. I always thought it was odd that that one time I went to Sakura's house and I saw that one of my favorite perfumes of hers were gone. The next day, there was only a single drop in it. " Sasuke glared teasingly. "And I could always smell that same smell fifty meters away. Not that it smelled good on you, by the way."

Sasuke paused.

"You know, the more I think about it, the more I hate you. So…"

Sasuke pulled out a mask and wore it.

"This will be hanging around for about a month or two, each spray, that is."

Sasuke poked Mika in the armpits. Mika jerked.

Then, the little installment above Mika's head sprayed a disgusting odor. It was so strong and smelly, that you could actually see it. It was a dull, mud like, green color. Mika shrieked, and Sasuke, in fear of his cover being blown, he reluctantly pulled out one of the pork buns he had received from Tenten on his birthday, filled it with grass then shoving them in her mouth.

"Just shut up will you?" Sasuke started walking away. "And I really like those pork buns."

(A/N: _Cha Seiu Bao_ is what it's called Romanized from Cantonese. I love that stuff to, Sasuke. x3)

"Mm! MMMMMMM!" Mika wriggled, and more spray came out. Sasuke looked at the pork bun sadly. 'What a heart breaking sacrifice.' he thought, shaking his head.

'Hm…Sakura still doesn't have her perfume yet back yet….'

Sasuke walked back to Mika.

"Hey, stop moving. I'll get you out."

Mika stopped wriggling immediately. Sasuke strolled over coolly to Mika, and reached right behind her, right near the wire to be released, then kept reaching down to pull out her wallet.

Sasuke made a disgusted face.

"Augh…you should of started wriggling _after _I plucked your wallet!"

"MMMM!"

"No, I said 'Hey, stop moving I'll get you out.', I was talking to your **_wallet_**, mind you."

Sasuke dropped the wallet on the floor for a moment as he pulled out some white gloves and then picked up the wallet again, then began to toss it up and down.

Mika stared at her wallet as it went up and down, spray after spray.

"Well, I guess I should say thanks," Sasuke began, back towards Mika. "but I'm guess I'm just not that type of person, now aren't I?" He turned his head to look at Mika as he spoke. "Especially if it's some wannabe like you. I hate you." Then, he turned away and continued walking.

"You should that by now." and he disappeared.

"**MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**!"

Sakura unlocked the door to her apartment and closed the door behind her as she entered.

She limped over to her comfy couch, and fell upon it, sighing with exhaustion. Why did she feel especially tired today?

Quickly, she had fallen asleep. Well, only for about five minutes until her doorbell rang.

She roared as she got up.

"WHO THE HELL IS WAKING ME UP NOW! I'M TRYING TO FREAKING SLEEP HERE!"

She stormed over to the door and she almost ripped open the door off it's frame.

Sasuke had his hands in his pockets, and he was looking at the floor normally. He looked up abruptly as Sakura opened the door.

"S-Sasuke-kun…" She blushed, wondering if he had noticed that she screamed and ripped open the door.

"Sakura." Yeah. It was Sasuke. It sounded like him.

"What are you doing here?" Sakura asked, regaining her former, calm, composure. Somewhat.

"I came to talk to you."

Well it must have been really important. Sasuke was dressed in dark button up dress shirt, and black pants. His headband was gone, and his hair looked normal. Something that wasn't what you saw everyday of Sasuke.

"…"

"Was I interrupting you?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Iie, I was just about to change into some comfortable clothes and then taking a nice nap." Sakura exaggerated and tweaked up a couple details.

"Oh."

"Mm…Sasuke-kun, why don't you come in?"

Sasuke nodded expressionlessly, walking in. He closed the door behind him as he did.

Sasuke sat down silently on Sakura's comfortable couch, and watched as Sakura brought out a cup of water for Sasuke. Sasuke took the cup, and took a small sip as Sakura sat down on the couch that was diagonally across him. She watched as he sipped.

"Sasuke-kun, what brings you here, exactly? You said you wanted to talk, right?" Sasuke set down his cup on the small table that sat in front of the couches in the center.

"To talk to you about something."

"Okay. About what?"

Dear, this was going to be hard to explain…

"Well, you know I want to avenge my clan."

Sakura nodded, understanding so far.

"And I'm not a female."

He better not be. Sakura said nothing.

"So, I can't become…_pregnant_."

Sakura blinked.

"That is the role of the wife in the Uchiha clan. To be best loved by the husband, as well."

Sakura nodded.

"Well, since I'm the only Uchiha left, I need a wife. And I need someone who I love. So, I wanted to ask you if you--"

Sakura held up a hand to halt Sasuke, interrupting him. Sasuke made a quizzical face at Sakura and her hand.

"Say no more, Sasuke-kun. I know what you want me to do for you."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. 'She does?'

"You want me to…"

"…yeah…?"

"You want me to…"

"…" Sasuke leaned in, interested.

"You want me to set you up on a date."

Sasuke fell onto the table, fingers twitching.

"Don't worry, Sasuke-kun, I'll find…" Sasuke felt Sakura's hand on his shoulder, patting him comfortingly.

"…someone for you." she continued. "I know there must be some lucky girl out there for you, Sasuke-kun."

Was this a historical event or what? Sakura, was dense.

"Since you have so many girls chasing after you, I'm sure it will be no problem at all for you, Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke brainstormed.

"I mean, your looks! And your skills, you're a prodigy! And you're a rookie, I'd like to see someone NOT fall for you, Sasuke-kun."

'Yeah…we'll do that…'

"So, tell me who you like? And when you find someone you like, bring her over, okay? I'll talk to her and stuff."

Sasuke looked up, and nodded. "Thanks, Sakura." then, he stood up, and picked up Sakura by her waist, and flung him over his shoulders. Sasuke gasped, but she held still.

"Sasuke-kun! What are you doing!" Sasuke said nothing.

"I can walk you know!"

"Hey!"

"Sasuke-kun! Say something!"

Sasuke walked out the door, and then walked back to Sakura's house.

"I hope you don't mind me not knocking." he called. He opened the door, and walked into her house.

"Sasuke-kun! What the hell are you doing!"

Sasuke spoke of nothing as he walked up Sakura's steps into her room. He walked into her room, and lay her on the bed.

Sakura felt herself against her warm pink sheets of her bed. She looked around, and hoisted herself up.

But that only lasted a couple seconds, that is, before Sasuke pinned her down to her bed. Sasuke leaned in on Sakura, and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Sakura flushed, surprised as well.

"Sasuke--"

"Now, don't you move until I get Sakura here to ask her what she thinks of you if you were to be my future wife…"

Sakura blushed harder.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke walked out her bedroom door. Moments later, he walked back in, his arms crossed, smirking.

"So, Sakura, what do you think of her?"

Sakura winced, finally understanding what Sasuke was trying to say.

"Well, Sasuke-kun. I think that's up to you now. She doesn't seem to have a problem with your request for her as your future wife."

"Well, I think she's perfect, Sakura. She has one of the most beautiful shade of pink hair you'll ever see. Her eyes are really deep, and matches her hair perfect. She's adorably aggressive, and she's very hard working, never giving up on anyone." Sasuke smirked, walking over to Sakura on the bed, then putting each of his arms on both sides of her head, then leaning into her in the process.

"Well, Sakura…from now on…" he leaned in, and breathed her sweet scent. "You're mine…" he pressed his forehead against hers. "And only mine…" she closed her eyes, and enjoyed the moment of being so close to the one she has loved all along.

She irked when she felt Sasuke's soft lips against hers. She blushed. Interlocked in a sweet, irresistible kiss, and she was part of it. She didn't do anything for a couple moments since she was too shock, but then, she gathered up all her affection, and kissed right back with the same passion. Massaging her lips and pretty soon, asking for an entrance, they stayed that way until Sakura pulled away. Sasuke let out a soft whimper, not ready to let go.

But Sasuke decided to not complain, and sat up. He pulled Sakura up, and she sat in between his legs as he leaned against the corner of her wall on her bed. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, intoxicated by the sweet smell of her hair and inhaling her luscious scent.

That he missed ever so much. All he could smell was the remnants of it…

Sasuke reached into his back pocket, and pulled out a jar of perfume…a new one that he had bought, edited, and personalized himself, specially made for his Sakura.

He held the perfume in front of her, and she gasped.

"Sasuke-kun! Where did you find this?" she exclaimed, taking it.

"Hm…"

"Wait…this isn't mine…it…smells like…"

"It smells like you, doesn't it? I personalized it myself. And added some special things that naturally smell like your scent…so I'll always know when you're around." he replied calmly, nuzzling her neck affectionately from behind.

"Sasuke-kun…you didn't have to…"

Sasuke stopped what he was doing, looking at Sakura like she was an idiot.

"Do you even have any idea why your perfume was stolen?" he asked, making a face.

Sakura blinked and shook her head.

"You remember…" Sasuke thought a moment, trying to remember the name. "Mika…Torishima?"

Sakura thought for a moment.

"Wasn't she the only girl of our generation with pink hair like me?"

Sasuke nodded. "It's dyed by the way."

Sakura irked an eyebrow. "She took it?"

Sasuke nodded.

"It's because--"

Sasuke blinked. He noticed there wasn't much weight in his lap anymore.

"Sakura?"

Sasuke heard the door slam. He frantically crawled over to where he could see out the window on Sakura's bed, and saw her leap away.

For a moment, Sasuke thought of what he should do. Should he stay behind and wait for her to return? Or should he follow?

Well, Sakura didn't know where Mika was, anyway, so he'd follow.

And with that, he opened the window, and stepped out. He shut the window, and leapt after Sakura.

Sakura knew EXACTLY where this Mika lived. ¬

Sasuke didn't. He didn't really care to remember.

But he wanted to remember where Mika lived!

And he wanted to tell Sakura that Mika wasn't home. Sasuke grinned evilly. He leapt out the door, and tried to catch up with Sakura.

And pretty soon, he did.

"Sakura!"

Sakura stopped midway, and turned around. Her expression questioned him.

"Mika isn't at her house."

Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"She isn't?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"Follow me." and he leapt off. Sakura winced and followed him.

"Oh, and bring a mask too. You'll need it."

"S-Sasuke-kun…You did this?"

"…" Sasuke only grinned proudly.

Sakura stared. The whole place was filled with stench, that the bark on the trees turned green, the grass was limp and weak. And smelly.

Mika, was green. She looked half dead. Her pink clothes were green, and her hair, her **mock** hair, was a dim, faded, ugly, hideous, pale shade of pink. Added to bits of green. She smelled the worst of all.

"Didn't I tell you not to move?"

"Huh." Mika stirred.

"Well, that's what you get for stealing other people's property. I could report you in to Tsunade-sama if I wanted," he turned to Sakura. "If _we_ wanted, but I decided to be nice, and take matters into my own hands."

"Huh." Mika stirred again.

"Maybe if you didn't move, you'd be less of a skunk, Mika-chan." Sakura told her, blinking unbelievably.

Sasuke held up a hand in Sakura's face.

"No, Sakura, I don't think she deserves _-chan_ at a time like this. After what she did."

"Mou…Sasuke-kun! You made her so smelly, I can't beat her to pulp now!"

When Sasuke heard that, he knew she was serious. With her immense strength and all. She'd really beat her to pulp, with every punch and kick with a crack of a bone breaking. Her bones would be turned to powder and dust. Bloodcurdling. One of the worst ways to die were probably to die beneath Haruno Sakura's wrath.

"So, what are you we going to do with her, Sasuke-kun?"

"What else? We'll just leave her here for a couple of weeks, and we'll get her food. And after a month, if no one finds her yet, we'll ship her off to Sand village. Gaara will welcome her properly."

Sakura nodded. "So he shall." she turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun! Do you want some ice-cream? My treat!"

Sasuke frowned cutely.

"Now you're making me feel like a girl, Sakura."

Sakura only smiled as she walked away, arm in arm with Sasuke.

So, Sakura and Sasuke had their ice-cream. And Sasuke finally found his wife. But he sometimes asked himself, was he that stupid to not think of it in the beginning? How foolish of himself, he thought.

Sasuke watched happily, smiling as Sakura took a scoop of ice cream, shivering in content, smiling sheepishly at Sasuke. Sasuke only returned the favor. He watched as she took another scoop of ice cream, and continued so.

Then, Sasuke thought about Mika. Why in the world was she trying to be like Sakura? Well, she did say that Sakura was so pitiful, that she could take over her life and have a better role then the original Sakura. But no one likes Mika anymore. Or at least, Sakura and Sasuke don't.

All in all, it was a happy ending for Uchiha Sasuke. But he should find a way to consume that horrible smell from getting anywhere near Konoha's people…

**Ohohen****: Wow! Is this really a one-shot? xD It's like…20 pages! Well, that's it for now. Review if you have any comments or opinions, or even suggestions for me. Thanks. **

**Happy One-Day-Late Birthday to me!**

**Yes!**

**Happpy Belated Birthday to me!**

**I'm serious. The 29th of September was my birthday.**

**Also, I know the title is "Cards" but they're actually photos, so yeah, sorry about that. **


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